So, hey. Been awhile, again. What to update…I’ve been busy with wedding stuff and every day life I suppose. I thought I lost my laptop, it wasn’t turning on. I only have an ipad (an aging ipad that my parents gave to me) and it’s shared with the future husband so I can’t really look […]
I finally did it. I emailed my therapist a week ago saying how I just don’t know how to open up to her. It all seems to impossible to talk about anything that really has any substance. I have held everything in for so long it seems unnatural to speak any of it out loud […]
So I went to my first therapy session with my new counselor today. It’s been about 4 years since I saw a counselor, and that was court appointed. So this was going to be different. It was going to grow a sprig of hope in my soul. I found her on ED referral, and Psychology […]
Today was simple and to the point. Work 9 hours. Eat the food I brought with me to work, NOTHING more. I had 4 egg whites for breakfast along with a cup of fruit (sliced strawberries & red grapes), lunch was a minuscule helping of veggie stir fry. I also grabbed a granny smith apple […]
It was one year ago today I started this blog. Happy blog-a-versary to me. In other news: I have lost a total of 15 pounds. Not great because it has been just about two months. I expected more I guess. My bmi is resting at 20.3. Realistically I understand that is a healthy bmi. I […]
She whispers in my ear that everything will be okay, her soft voice flows into my head and fills me with plush thoughts of success. I can be a winner if I listen to her. Her instructions soothe the aches and fulfill the need. I wrap her around me to fend off reality. She keeps […]
Life seems tasteless and blank at the moment. I am really low at the moment. I have no idea why. Well I do, but I don’t. I’m so tired of feeling this way. Deep shades of grey swirl and fill my mouth with hate, spewing words of filling waste. I spit bullets of anger at […]
It’s Memorial Day today. I haven’t had this day off in some time now. Years actually. Past memories still taste sweet on my tongue, thoughts of someone’s lake house, tall beers, fire works and smoke from the grill. I was excited to spend this day with my love, we haven’t had much sweet, quiet time […]
I have been non-stop for the last two straight days. I don’t like being that busy. I know plenty of people that like to keep busy, every moment, every passing second having their hands busy with a project, work, stuff. Not me, I am the opposite. I cherish that time tucked away in bed, rain […]
As I sit here I feel the strain on my back, the pressure headache forming, the aches and pains growing steadily. I had a full day. These are the days I realize I am a real person. I had my interview this morning, so of course everything went wrong. While taking the boyfriend’s daughter to […]
Finding A Path... 